June Founder’s Note: The Importance of Betting on Yourself as a Writer
Photo Credit: @dxlglass
When I walked across the stage to accept my MFA, it was like a new part of my brain unlocked. In that moment — and not a moment before — I realized that it was all in me. I had started walking this path, and I’d made it through by my own hard work and perseverance, despite the many distractions of life and work. Before that moment, I thought the purpose of my degree was to become a better writer, and that did happen. Storytelling has been demystified to some extent (although there’s always a bit of mystery to good fiction), but what I didn’t expect was the confidence that walking across the stage would bring. It rushes at you like a wave, indiscriminately tearing down anything and anyone who ever dared to see you as less than you know yourself to be. Once you’ve put in that work, no one can take it away. I realized that I have the power to be victorious in my reality. It really doesn’t matter who is cheering, as long as you’re betting on yourself.
It sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Go for what you want and don’t listen to anyone who doesn’t see you for who you know yourself to be. Ignore anyone who gives advice or criticism that doesn’t apply to you. I grew up believing I existed to be needed, to help, to listen, to do, to make the people around me feel better. I realized that a lot of the advice people in my life gave was based on an old identity that I had to shed in order to heal.
When I crossed the stage, I realized that all of the people pleasing amounts to nothing. You can live your whole life pouring out to others, and it doesn’t guarantee you the same level of love and support in return. I’m relieved to know that I’m free to love myself deeply, whether or not it benefits others.
My MFA degree was never something I earned to impress my community, my family, or really anyone else besides myself. It was a promise between me and God. The evidence was in the way the clouds parted and the sun emerged just before my name was called to walk across the stage. What happens when you give a woman the keys to create new worlds? Anything can change.
As I accepted the diploma and shook the Dean’s hand, I realized that I had played this moment out so many times in my head before it actually happened. I had watched so many graduates cross stages, and cheered on so many of my peers before it was my turn. Suddenly, my name was being called and it was my turn. That moment felt like a bolt of lightning running through my 6-foot frame. It wasn’t the cap, gown, tassel or hood that made the moment magical. It was the dawning of a realization of love for myself that promised to change the way I view the world forever.
With that new vision came tower moments. I had to use my discernment through this season of change and elevation. Here are two situations that you might encounter as you shift into alignment.
Situation 1: The Key to Yesterday’s Problem Becomes Today’s Neurodivergent Burnout
People pleasing can keep you in situations for longer than you need to be there. This year I worked in a fast-paced, boundary-pushing work environment, except my neurodivergent brain could not get with the program. I was in a workplace where I was praised for my skills and talents, but also nitpicked and criticized to the point where my anxiety was on 10 daily. It was great to make a paycheck, but on top of being a mom of 2 and trying to keep Spoken Black Girl open while finishing my Master’s degree, the pressure was building. Sooner than I had hoped, I hit the wall of neurodivergent burnout. I felt like I was failing yet again because I think and work differently. I had to ask myself if it was truly worth the stress I was putting my nervous system through.
As an author and entrepreneur, it’s common to wonder if it’s worth it to keep pursuing your dreams when it seems like you barely have enough energy to function and survive. I understand how dreams die. They get starved out in the battle to make life livable, but we can never let any place steal our joy, our peace, or our creativity, even for money. That’s just one form of abundance. Peace is another. In my heart of hearts, I knew that just because this opportunity was once the answer to my prayers did not mean it was still the answer today. I had to accept that circumstances had changed, I had changed, and this was no longer an aligned opportunity.
Situation 2: The people you thought would always be there start acting conditional, and you realize you were doing the heavy lifting all along.
When life shifts, so do your relationships and the way people relate to you. Sometimes this can make people who you were close to feel far away. Over this past year, I had many days when I had to focus on myself. It was a requirement of my dreams to focus intensely on my goal of graduating. I skipped events to attend class. I holed up at home writing for entire weekends. I wasn’t on Instagram all of the time and decided to delete my WhatsApp. I wasn’t as available as I used to be, and it wasn’t a selfish choice; it was what I needed to protect my mental health. Seasons like this show who takes your presence for granted, who will disappear as you progress, and who will go the extra mile to show support.
But honestly, it doesn’t matter how other people are behaving. The real answer is deep within you. You are the source you’ve been seeking. I had to realize that no one — no mentor, boss, friend, or even my parents — had the answers that could help me with my vision of success. I had to rediscover myself. I paused to ask this new woman in the mirror who she is and what she wants, trusting my intuition as information on how to live a better life.
If you have a passion in life, a calling or a gift, I believe it will only call you for so long before it moves on. No one likes to be ignored. Our gifts are the same way. If you’re pouring your energy into relationships, workplaces, and situations that deplete you or try to diminish you, it will ultimately hold you back while pursuing your vision. The creeping voice of doubt saying, “What if it doesn’t work out?” will always be there. We must silence that voice, not by ignoring it, but by figuring out where it comes from. We must heal that hurt and find a new language for our dreams that centers hope over fear.
A few years ago, I started coaching writers to balance wellness with creative success in my Write Heal Thrive community. At the time, it seemed like a risk, but one I was willing to take. Throughout my life, people would ask me to read their stories or I’d listen to a writer work through their thoughts in real time. My imagination paints pictures, grasping at all of the details while pulling references for further exploration. I’m able to see blindspots and come up with ideas for developing the story. It’s one of my favorite interactions. Because of my good listening ear, folks often ask if I want to be a therapist, and although I greatly admire the profession, it never felt “right” for me. I followed my greatest joy, and was led to go further into my writing. I’m so glad I did, because I’m learning things I might not have if I followed a more traditional path.
Writing has always been a lifeline for me. It’s my calling, my fascination, and my muse. I started Spoken Black Girl to hold space for writers and storytellers looking for a place to ask the questions we need to hear ourselves answer. Writing has the power to reveal our authentically aligned path when we are brave enough to express ourselves.
If you need some support getting started, I’d love to write with you! Join me for a Healing Through Writing Workshop this summer. We meet virtually on Zoom.
Here’s what you can expect:
Read inspirational excerpts on healing & self-love
Write in community
Generate new poetry, short story, and essay ideas
Enjoy a safe space to be seen and heard
Tickets are $20, and proceeds go to our growing digital archive of Black women’s voices on mental health & wellness. Write Heal Thrive Members get 15% off workshops and events. Join our community to support our platform for Black women writers.
